What To Do When Emotion Dysregulation Affects Your Relationship

By Brooke Schwartz, LMSW and Stephanie Dowd, PsyD

In past blog posts, we’ve discussed both what emotion dysregulation is and what it looks like in children. Need a refresher? Emotion dysregulation can be defined as the inability to regularly use healthy strategies to diffuse or control negative emotions.

What To Do When Emotion Dysregulation Affects Your RelationshipIt may not come as a surprise that romantic relationships are affected by how people control (and don’t control) their emotions. Many find that it’s difficult to adapt to their partner’s emotional reactions and that their relationship suffers because of it. And research supports this — couples that struggle with problems related to emotion regulation often experience lower relational satisfaction as well as lower intimacy levels.

What does emotion dysregulation look like in couples? While it varies couple-to-couple, some examples of behaviors include:

What To Do When Emotion Dysregulation Affects Your RelationshipIf you’re part of a couple experiencing some or all of the above and are hoping to improve your relationship, you may consider trying to:

Practice relational mindfulness.

Validate the emotions, wants, and opinions of yourself and your partner.

Distinguish between your primary and secondary emotions.

Increase pleasant (or even neutral) time together.

Consider couples therapy.

What To Do When Emotion Dysregulation Affects Your RelationshipWhen emotion dysregulation persists in a relationship, partners may feel hopeless and exhausted. Despite this, however, working toward and achieving a relationship where both partners can control their emotions and find common ground is possible — it just takes time and hard work.
 

Disclaimer

This site is for information only. It is not therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise, provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local emergency number.

For referral information about our services, please click here or see our contact page on our website.