By Stephanie Rothney

I regularly hear about the power of saying “yes” – how saying yes to opportunities can increase joy and fulfillment. I believe strongly in the power of “yes”, and, taking a balanced approach, I think it is also important to recognize the power of “no”. So, this November, if life feels hectic, your schedule is packed, finances are tight, or emotions are more vulnerable, consider harnessing the power of “no”.

As the end of the year approaches, people often find themselves met with lots of opportunities to socialize, attend family gatherings, or take on some extra projects at work. When these opportunities present themselves to me, it can feel exciting in the moment, and I want to say “yes” to it all. At the same time, my wise mind knows that I cannot say yes to everything, and future me will be grateful when I am tucked in bed by 9 pm, reading a good book (ok fine, watching Bravo) after a long week. Yet, even when my wise mind tells me no is the best decision, saying “yes” often feels easier and less likely to disappoint others. When telling someone “no” feels daunting, I like to turn to the DEAR MAN skill to guide me through it.

DEAR MAN is an interpersonal effectiveness skill that helps us assert our wants and needs while still protecting relationships. It can be used to make requests and to say “no”. Let’s walk through what DEAR MAN stands for and an example of using it to say “no” to a weekend trip away with friends that you can’t fit into your schedule.

When your wise mind is telling you to say “no”, DEAR MAN can be an effective way to do so while tending to relationships. You could use it to set limits around after-hour work emails, say no to a second date you aren’t feeling, or decline cat-sitting for your sister for the 8^th time this year. Let’s remember that knowing when and how to say “no” is just as important as knowing when and how to say “yes.”  Saying “no” can feel awkward and uncomfortable; however, with practice and the help of DEAR MAN, you can respect your limits while maintaining respect for yourself and others!

By Bethesda Yohannes

The season of costumes and masks is here! Every Halloween, people gather to transform into someone else, whether it be a superhero, a favorite artist, or a spooky villain, the possibilities are endless. But what if I told you that for some, wearing a mask isn’t just a once-a-year tradition? Some people wear an invisible mask every day of their lives. This is known as “masking,” and for many autistic people, it’s a way to blend into a world that often expects people to act “neurotypical.”  Let’s explore what masking really means, why it happens, the toll it takes, and why unmasking is so critical for our neurodivergent folks!

According to the National Autistic Society, masking is the unconscious or conscious effort to appear “non-autistic” to blend into society. You may have also heard of masking described as “passing” or “camouflaging.” Autistic people are able to do this by analyzing and mirroring other’s behaviors. Examples include but are not limited to:

• Forcing yourself to make eye contact
• Monitoring and mirroring facial expressions
• Forcing yourself to ask questions or make “small talk” despite not being interested
• Holding back talking about your special interests due to perception that it may be unusual
• Hiding stimming behaviors
• Changing tone of voice to be less direct or less animated

You might be thinking, “Woah! That sounds like a lot of work.” And you’re right...it is! Masking is a lot of work. Imagine not only having to wear a costume, but also having to act. Autistic people are constantly having to perform to fit into society. They are putting on their mask to meet social expectations in a world that makes snap judgments. They are trying to make and maintain relationships. They are trying to increase job opportunities. Ultimately, they are trying to feel accepted by a world that doesn’t speak their language and a world that believes neurotypical language is the “right” language.

Although masking can be an effective tool for fitting into society, it often comes at a significant cost. Over time, the effort of suppressing one’s authentic self can lead to both mental and physical exhaustion. This may result in meltdowns, shutting down, self-harming, or increased suicidality. The act of constantly wearing an invisible mask can also result in a loss of identity and low self-esteem. In some cases, masking can be dangerous; by consistently pushing down personal needs and desires, individuals may become more vulnerable to manipulation or abuse. Ironically, while masking is often used to gain acceptance, it can leave a person feeling even more disconnected and isolated from others.

To help manage the impact of masking, there are a few simple strategies that can help ease these painful consequences. If you relate to this try some of the following...

1. Allow yourself time to recover after social interactions, even short breaks or quiet time can help your mind and body recharge.
2. Try using spoon theory or energy counting: Imagine your daily energy as a limited number of spoons, and be intentional about how you spend them. This helps you prioritize what really matters and helps to avoid burnout.
3. Journaling or talking with someone you trust can help you better understand your preferences and boundaries. Reflecting on where and when you feel safe to unmask allows you to show up more authentically while still protecting your energy.
4. Spending time with other autistic people can be a powerful way to ease the emotional strain caused by masking. In shared neurodivergent spaces, there's often less pressure to "fit in," allowing individuals to express themselves more freely and begin to recover from the stress, burnout, and identity confusion that masking can cause.

The mental and physical toll of masking can be overwhelming: Constantly pretending, adjusting, and hiding parts of yourself just to meet others’ expectations can lead to anxiety, burnout, and even physical exhaustion. Over time, this strain chips away at your well-being, leaving you feeling disconnected and drained. That’s why unmasking is so important. It’s not just about being honest with others, it’s about giving yourself permission to exist without constantly performing. Unmasking allows you to reclaim your energy, reduce stress, and begin healing from the pressure of always having to fit in. It’s a powerful step toward living more authentically and sustainably.

Masking. National Autistic Society . (n.d.). https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/masking

Can you walk the walk?

By Elisa Pompeo

In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), one of the most powerful and practical skills we love to teach is Walking the middle path. This means finding balance in extremes, stepping away from “all or nothing” thinking, and giving ourselves permission to choose flexibility over rigidity.

For example, some people believe that the only way to succeed is to give 100% effort all day every day. Unsurprisingly, this can lead to exhaustion, self-criticism and often is not sustainable. Learning to walk the middle path can look like allowing ourselves to do slightly less than we originally planned, and realizing that this can actually help to feel more grounded, resilient, and satisfied.

How to Use the Middle Path Skill (an abbreviated version):

1. Spot the extremes – Notice “all or nothing” thoughts or urges.
2. Validate both sides – Ask, what truth exists within each perspective?
3. Choose balance – Recognize the choice that you have to move towards center.
4. Stay flexible – Remember balance shifts depending on the context.
5. Respect yourself – Remind yourself that “good enough” is worthwhile.

For me, this can look like folding and putting away all of my clean laundry even if it could be folded even neater or organized more efficiently. Other times, it means cleaning two dirty dishes in the sink instead of all of them, or none of them. Sometimes it looks like giving myself permission to rest when I have not finished my whole to-do list instead of pushing myself to finish it all. Even cooking part of a meal from scratch, and buying premade food for the rest, can be a way of practicing this skill. I like to call this the “Trader Joes frozen section” cooking - it’s not homemade, it’s not take-out, it’s a middle path.

Practicing this skill might feel scary at first, because it can feel nerve-wracking to be flexible with our intentions…we may fear that we are completely “giving up on goals” as one of my clients once shared. It may also be uncomfortable to rest without feeling immense guilt. Practice makes progress with this skill…and after some time, you might notice how much it helps you too! Walking the middle path prevents burnout and helps you make decisions that honor both your present and future self. When you step back from rigid perfectionism, you give yourself permission to be imperfect and still be valuable.

There are important dialectics across different age ranges you may begin to notice. For kids and teens, walking the middle path can mean balancing the desire for independence with the reliance on guidance from caregivers. For adults, you might notice balancing the dialectic of resting and also working and holding up responsibilities. For families, we may see caregivers balancing validating their children and also setting limits with them.

Whether it’s at home, at school, at work, or in relationships, walking the middle path creates more flexibility, reduces burnout, and helps us live with more compassion—for ourselves and for others.

Opposite Action for Shame = PRIDE

By Lucy Rooney.

On the heels of Pride Month, I wondered, how can our DBT skills help us adopt this spirit all of the months of the year?

Pride Month is a time to honor the resilience and joy of the LGBTQIA+ community. How can we do this? …By being unapologetically ourselves. That’s right—let your freak flag fly!

Think Accumulating positives in the short-term—With all of the stress and hustle and bustle in our lives and with all of the invalidation that this community experiences, it is as important to schedule time to go for that walk, eat that donut, paint our nails that funky summer color, play fetch with our dog, smooch our loved ones, or burrito ourselves in bed, as it is to do the laundry, go to work, and pick up after ourselves. Do things that YOU find joyous in the moment… not what you believe “should be joyous” or what seemingly brings others joy on Instagram… but what truly brings YOU joy. For me, that joy sometimes looks like rearranging my undies drawer. Bonus points: Practice Radical acceptance that what brings others joy may differ from what brings you joy, and adopt a Non-judgmental stance! Extra bonus points…if you do find yourself judging (cause we all do) stop judging yourself for that😉

How about some Alternate Rebellion following Pride? Been wanting to go against the grain and make a statement? Go for it! Dye your hair, cut it all off, get that piercing Mom won’t let you get, order ice cream at the restaurant for your appetizer, wear exactly what you want to wear. Show off your body loud and proud no matter what shape or size you are #HAES. If tomorrow you want to dress as a Cowboy and the next day you decide your mood is begging you to rock #cottagecore, honor it. We are not ONE thing. In fact, Dialectics tell us that multiple truths can exist at once. I can be shy one day and outgoing the next. It can be sunny and rain in one day. I can dress more feminine in one moment and decide to dress more androgynous the next. I am neither AND I am all.

And how about when the environment feels too strong and the pain from invalidation feels too great to carry? Distress tolerance can provide coping strategies for managing painful moments. These skills can be helpful when facing invalidating interpersonal interactions, as well as broader systemic discrimination. Think TIPP the temperature, Distract with music, tv, comedy, or a brain teaser. When the intensity of the pain comes down slightly, we may try sitting with the emotion (Mindfulness of Current Emotions) and feeling the grief, anger, and fear arise within us. Recovering from Invalidation can be a helpful tool as it can teach us how to self-validate and where to find validation from supportive parties which can ease the intensity of our emotions. Think: Don’t go to the hardware store looking to buy milk. Some people just will not have the validation you are looking for!

Lastly, use Opposite action for shame (when safe to do so). For many, hiding who you are and who you love elicits shame and when the community you are apart of will ostracize you because of who you are, then that shame fits the facts and you are responding to that shame as a means of survival. In a perfect world, we hope to find community and create community that will not reject us so that we can act opposite our shame and live in a way that is true and open and PROUD. Let’s live in PRIDE 365 days a year!

Do you ever notice your teen feeling overwhelmed, withdrawn, or irritable, and it brings back a rush of your stressful teenage years? Back then, the stress may have come from juggling homework, friendships, and maybe a part-time job.

Now, it feels like the pressures on teens are multiplied—the constant feed of social media comparisons, the relentless push for good grades, and the ever-shifting landscape of friendships. 

It's tough to watch them carry this weight of teen stress, feeling almost helpless to understand what they're truly going through. Let’s talk about how you can help them ease the stress they're experiencing.

What are the Common Causes of Teen Stress?

As you think about how to talk with your teen about stress, it's helpful to understand what might be causing those feelings. Often, teen stress comes from a few main things:

• Academic Pressure: You might see your teen feeling overwhelmed by the need to do well in school, get good grades, and be involved in extracurricular activities as they go through high school and plan for what comes next.
• Social Pressures: Fitting in and dealing with social expectations can be important to teenagers. Worries about friendships, dating, and what their friends are doing can cause a lot of stress for them.
• Family Dynamics: Family relationships can get tricky as your teen tries to become more independent. Arguments with you or their siblings can add to their stress at home.
• Physical and Hormonal Changes: The changes happening in their body and hormones during adolescence can also affect their stress levels, leading to mood swings, concerns about how they look, and just feeling uncomfortable.
• Technology Overload: With social media and technology always around, your teen might feel like they need to be online all the time and might constantly compare themselves to others. This can lead to stress and feelings of not being good enough.

How Do You Talk With Your Teen About Stress? 

Talking with your teen about stress can be challenging, but it's essential to create a safe space for open dialogue. Here are some tips for starting the conversation:

1. Choose the right time and place: Pick a time when your teen is most likely to be open to talking, such as during a car ride or while doing an activity together. 
2. Validate their feelings: Start by acknowledging that being a teenager can be stressful, and it's normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes. This will help your teen feel understood and less alone in their experiences. 
3. Listen actively: Encourage your teen to express themselves without judgment or interruption. Show that you're interested and engaged by asking open-ended questions. 
4. Be patient: Teenagers are often hesitant to talk about their feelings, so don't push too hard. Let them know that you're always available to listen. 
5. Offer support: Ask your teen what you can do to help. Sometimes, knowing they have someone to lean on can make all the difference. 
6. Seek outside help: If your teen's stress levels are too high to manage, consider seeking professional help. A therapist or counselor can give your teen the tools to cope with stress effectively.

Compassionate Support for Your Teen's Stress at Behavioral Psych Studio

Behavioral Psych Studio has a team of experienced clinicians that is committed to supporting young people as they navigate various challenges, whether it's stress, anxiety, depression, self-harm, or academic pressures. 

We provide personalized treatment approaches, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), tailored to meet the needs of each teenager. 

With locations in Beverly Hills, San Diego, and New York City, effective support is within reach. 

Please schedule an appointment with us today.

Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding your mental health. While we strive to provide accurate and up-to-date information, Behavioral Psych Studio does not guarantee the completeness or accuracy of the content presented here.