Trauma Therapy: Reclaim Your Power, Reclaim Your Peace

A woman is sitting on a couch with a man on the floor

Trauma can leave deep scars, sometimes so hidden we hardly notice them.

But they affect us, shaping our thoughts, feelings, and actions. These scars can disrupt your sense of safety, shake your trust in others, and leave you feeling overwhelmed by life's challenges.

We're here to tell you that healing is possible and that you don't have to live with the pain of the past.

Trauma therapy can help you heal, find peace, and start living the life you deserve.

Understanding Complex Trauma and PTSD

First things first, let's clear up what we mean by "trauma."

Trauma isn't necessarily only a single scary event; it can be a series of ongoing or repeated distressing experiences, often starting early in life.

This is what we call complex trauma, and it can leave lasting effects, making you feel overwhelmed, unsafe, and struggling to trust the world around you.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can develop after experiencing or witnessing a single traumatic event.

Symptoms can include flashbacks, nightmares, and avoidance of anything that reminds you of the trauma.

While these are natural reactions to an unnatural situation, if they're impacting your life significantly, it's time to seek help.

Both complex trauma and PTSD can significantly disrupt your life, but with the right support, healing, and recovery are absolutely possible.

The Benefits of Trauma Therapy

Trauma therapy isn't just about managing symptoms. It's about reclaiming your life and rediscovering your inner strength.

Through therapy, you can:

Effective Trauma Therapy Approaches

At Behavioral Psych Studio, we focus on a personalized approach to trauma therapy.

There's no one-size-fits-all solution!

We work with you to find the right combination of evidence-based trauma therapy approaches that resonate with your unique needs and experiences.

Some of the powerful tools we use include:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT helps you identify and challenge unhelpful thought patterns and behaviors that are keeping you stuck.

It's about gaining a fresh perspective and creating new, healthier ways of thinking and behaving.

A CBT therapist will teach you skills to manage your emotions and reactions so you can feel more in control.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

DBT equips you with skills to manage intense emotions, build healthy relationships, and tolerate distress.

It combines mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness skills to build a life worth living.

It's like a toolbox for navigating life's challenges with more confidence and resilience.

H3: Holistic Trauma Therapy Techniques

Therapy isn't just about talking. We believe in a holistic trauma therapy approach that addresses your whole being.

This might include:

Your Journey to Healing Starts Here

We understand that reaching out for help can be tough, especially when it comes to something as personal as trauma.

But know that you don't have to walk this path alone.

At Behavioral Psych Studio, we're committed to creating a safe, supportive space where you can heal and grow.

Our therapists are trained in various healing therapy techniques and approaches and provide trauma therapy for adults, adolescents, and children.

We're here to listen without judgment, understand, guide, and support you.

We treat a wide range of concerns, from anxiety and OCD to complex trauma and PTSD.

Take the first step towards a brighter future.

Contact Behavioral Psych Studio today, and let's start rewriting your story together.

The Benefits of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT): A Guide to Improved Mental Health

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Have you heard of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)? 

 

If you're feeling overwhelmed or struggling with certain mental health challenges, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy might offer the support you need. 

 

This evidence-based approach is crafted to help you develop practical skills for navigating tough moments and regaining control. 

 

Let’s examine DBT in more detail and consider how it can positively affect you or someone you care about.

What is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)?

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a specialized type of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) designed to help you understand how thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interconnected. 

While both therapies aim to explore these connections, DBT goes further by integrating technologies of change with principles of Zen-buddhism and acceptance-based practices.  As such, DBT focuses on emotional regulation, mindfulness, and accepting difficult experiences. 

Through DBT, patients learn to manage their emotions, come to terms with their mental health challenges, and reduce harmful behaviors.

How Does DBT Work?

The term "dialectical" highlights the presence of coexisting opposites. One of the ways this appears in DBT is by learning to find the balance between acceptance and change, both in yourself and in the world. 

In your sessions, your therapist will guide you in acknowledging your behaviors and experiences while also working to improve your emotional management.

What Does DBT Treat?

DBT is primarily used to treat borderline personality disorder, but it has also proven effective for a wide range of mental health conditions, including:

Depression

Anxiety disorders

Substance use disorders 

Eating disorders

Bipolar disorder

Self-harm behaviors

Suicidal thoughts and behaviors

Anger management difficulties 

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Interpersonal relationship issues

What are the Benefits of DBT?

The benefits of DBT are extensive and can truly make a difference in your mental health and overall well-being. 

Here’s how it can help:

  1. Improves Emotional Regulation: Learn how to recognize and manage intense emotions healthily, which can help reduce impulsive behaviors and enhance your emotional well-being.
  2. Enhanced Interpersonal Skills: DBT focuses on improving communication and relationship skills, helping you build healthier, more fulfilling connections. 
  3. Increased Mindfulness: By incorporating mindfulness practices, you can become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, helping you respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively. 
  4. Reduces Self-Destructive Behaviors: Identify and address harmful behaviors, such as self-harm, substance use, or suicidal thoughts, with healthier ways to cope, reducing the urge to engage in these actions.
  5. Encourages Self-Acceptance: Build a more balanced and positive view of yourself, fostering self-compassion and boosting self-esteem.
  6. Tailored to Your Needs: DBT’s flexible approach allows it to be adapted to your unique needs, enabling your therapist to address specific challenges and personalize treatment based on your goals and preferences.

Explore DBT for Better Mental Health With Behavioral Psych Studio

If you or someone you care about could benefit from Dialectical Behavior Therapy, we’re here to help.

At Behavioral Psych Studio, we’re dedicated to creating a treatment plan tailored to your unique needs, goals, and challenges. 

With convenient teletherapy options and supportive between-session coaching, our compassionate team is committed to providing the guidance you need wherever you are. 

We firmly believe in your strength and potential to build the life you envision. 

Contact us today—together, we can take meaningful steps forward.

Kristin Ortiz (she/her)

DBT vs. CBT in Treating Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety and depression can leave you feeling uncertain about the best path to recovery. DBT and CBT are two effective therapies, each with its approach to treatment. 

But how do you decide which one is right for you? 

Let’s explore the differences between DBT vs. CBT so you can better understand their unique strengths and make a more informed choice for your mental health. 

Understanding these options can bring you closer to finding the support that meets your needs.

What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a type of psychotherapy that focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors. 

It is based on the idea that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interconnected and can influence each other. 

CBT aims to help individuals become aware of their thoughts, challenge and reframe negative thinking patterns, and learn healthier coping skills.

What is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy?

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is a type of cognitive behavioral therapy that was originally developed to treat individuals with borderline personality disorder. 

It combines elements of CBT with mindfulness practices and dialectics, which are philosophical principles that emphasize finding the balance between opposing ideas. 

DBT focuses on helping individuals regulate their emotions, improve their relationships, and develop skills to cope with distress.

DBT vs. CBT: What are the Similarities?

Here are some key similarities between DBT and CBT that highlight how both therapies work to support mental health:

DBT vs. CBT: What are the Key Differences?

DBT and CBT are evidence-based but differ in their approaches and focus areas. 

CBT primarily helps individuals identify and change negative thought patterns that influence behavior and emotions, making it effective for anxiety and depression. 

On the other hand, DBT, a form of CBT, adds strategies for emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness, making it especially useful for individuals with intense emotional experiences or borderline personality disorder. 

DBT vs. CBT: Which is Better for Treating Anxiety and Depression?

Both DBT and CBT have been extensively researched and found to be effective in treating anxiety and depression. 

The choice between DBT and CBT may depend on the individual's needs and preferences.

Individuals can also benefit from combining both therapies, complementing each other in focusing on acceptance and change.

DBT and CBT for Anxiety and Depression at Behavioral Psych Studio

At Behavioral Psych Studio, we understand that choosing the right therapy is crucial in your journey to mental wellness. 

Our compassionate and experienced team is well-equipped to use DBT and CBT, tailoring our approach to meet your needs. 

Whether you're dealing with anxiety, depression, or complex emotional challenges, we’re here to support you. 

Contact us today.

Family Therapy: How It Helps Heal Complex Family Dynamics and Trauma

Family dynamics can be complicated, and when trauma is involved, the emotional strain can feel overwhelming. 

You might struggle to communicate with loved ones, feel misunderstood, or even isolated within your family. The right support can make all the difference in these moments. 

Family therapy helps by providing a space where everyone can be heard and understood and heal together. 

This blog post will explore how family therapy can guide your family toward stronger, healthier relationships.

What is Family Therapy?

Family therapy, or family counseling, is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on the dynamics and relationships within a family unit. 

It involves multiple family members attending sessions with a trained therapist, who acts as a mediator and guide.

Family counseling aims to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen relationships within the family. 

It acknowledges that the larger family system often influences individual issues and behaviors; therefore, the whole family must be involved in the healing process. 

What are the Common Issues Addressed in Family Counseling?

Family therapy can be helpful for a wide range of issues and challenges that families may face. 

Some of the most common issues addressed in family therapy include:

  1. Trauma: Traumatic experiences, such as physical or emotional abuse, can have a profound impact on individuals and their families.

Family therapy can help families heal from the effects of trauma and rebuild trust and safety within the family unit.

  1. Conflict Resolution: All families experience conflicts, but when they become persistent and destructive, they can significantly damage relationships. 

Family counseling can help families learn healthy ways to resolve conflicts and prevent them from escalating.

  1. Parent-Child Relationship Issues: Parenting can be a challenging and overwhelming experience, and it's not uncommon for parents to struggle with their children's behavior or development. 

Guided family therapy sessions can help parents and children strengthen their relationships and learn effective parenting strategies.

  1. Blended Family Challenges: When families merge, there can be many adjustments and conflicts as everyone navigates their new roles and relationships. 

Family therapy can help blended families work through these challenges and create a harmonious dynamic.

What Approaches are Featured in Family Therapy?

There are various approaches to working with families, each offering unique techniques and philosophies tailored to different needs.

These include:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT helps families identify and challenge unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, replacing them with positive, effective alternatives. 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is particularly useful for improving communication, resolving conflicts, addressing parenting challenges, and managing mental health issues like anxiety or depression.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Combining CBT with mindfulness, DBT helps regulate emotions and enhance relationships.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy is ideal for families dealing with intense emotions or communication difficulties. Skills like distress tolerance and emotion regulation are key components.

Narrative Therapy

This approach empowers families to reshape their stories, focusing on their strengths and resilience. 

It’s especially helpful for those dealing with trauma, as it allows families to reclaim their narratives and find new meaning in their experiences.

Family Counseling at Behavioral Psych Studio

At Behavioral Psych Studio, we support families through tough situations in a caring and safe environment. 

Using proven therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavior Therapy, we help improve communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen relationships. 

If you're dealing with trauma or other challenges, we're here to help you build a healthier, happier family life. 

Contact us today to start improving your family dynamics.

The Benefits of Couples Counseling: Strengthening Relationships Through Therapy

Feeling stuck in your relationship can be overwhelming, with communication breaking down and tensions rising. Couples counseling offers a lifeline to those who want to repair and strengthen their connection. 

By exploring the benefits of couples counseling, you can find ways to rebuild trust, improve communication, and deepen your bond. 

Let’s discuss how therapy provides a compassionate space to address the challenges that may pull you apart, helping you and your partner grow closer and more resilient.

What is Couples Counseling?

Couples counseling, also known as relationship therapy or marriage counseling, is a form of psychotherapy designed to help you and your partner resolve conflicts and improve your relationship. 

It involves working with a licensed therapist who has specialized training in working with couples.

Couples counseling aims to help you and your spouse identify and address the underlying issues that are causing problems in your relationship. 

This can include communication difficulties, conflicts, trust issues, and other challenges hindering your ability to connect and maintain a healthy relationship.

What are Some Common Issues Addressed in Couples Counseling?

Couples counseling can address various issues that couples may face. 

Some of the most common relationship issues addressed in therapy include:

  1. Communication Problems: Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. When communication breaks down, it can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and feelings of resentment. 
  2. Trust Issues: Trust is crucial to a strong relationship. When trust is broken due to infidelity or other forms of betrayal, it can be challenging to repair. 
  3. Conflict Resolution: All couples experience conflicts from time to time. However, when conflicts become frequent and unresolved, they can damage the relationship. 
  4. Intimacy and Sexual Issues: Intimacy and sexual problems can also arise in a relationship, causing tension and distance between partners.
  5. Life Transitions: Changes such as starting a family, moving to a new city, or changing careers can strain relationships. 
  6. Emotional Dysregulation: Emotional dysregulation refers to difficulties managing and expressing emotions healthily and appropriately. 

What are the Benefits of Therapy for Couples?

Booking sessions with a couples therapist can be a game-changer for your relationship. 

Here are some of the benefits you can expect from couples counseling:

  1. Improved Communication: Couples counseling can help you and your spouse learn how to communicate more effectively, listen to each other's needs, and express your needs without causing harm.

This can lead to a deeper understanding and connection between the both of you.

  1. A Safe Space to Address Issues: Couples counseling provides a safe and neutral environment to address issues without judgment. 

This can be especially helpful if you or your partner have difficulty discussing sensitive topics or have a history of unresolved conflicts.

  1. Increased Understanding and Empathy: Couples counseling can also help you better understand each other's perspectives, needs, and feelings. 
  2. Tools and Strategies for a Healthy Relationship: A couples therapist can provide you and your partner with practical tools and strategies to improve your relationship. 

These may include communication techniques, conflict resolution skills, and ways to strengthen intimacy and connection. 

  1. Prevention of Future Issues: Couples counseling not only addresses current issues but also helps prevent future problems from arising. 

Behavioral Psych Studio Offers Relationship Therapy to Help Couples Reconnect

At Behavioral Psych Studio, we understand the complexities of relationships and offer a non-judgmental space where couples can address their concerns openly. 

Our experienced therapists are dedicated to helping you and your partner work through challenges, improve communication, and strengthen your bond. 

Schedule an appointment with us today. 

The Cycle of Anxiety: Breaking Free with CBT

Have you ever felt like you’re caught in an endless loop of worry, where every anxious thought feeds into the next, creating a never-ending cycle of fear and unease? If so, you are not alone. Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the United States, affecting 40 million adults every year, according to the CDC. Yet, despite its prevalence, many people feel trapped by their anxiety, unsure of how to break free from its grip.

The Cycle of Anxiety

Anxiety often begins with a single thought or concern. Maybe it’s a worry about an upcoming presentation, a health scare, or even a social event. This thought triggers a cascade of physical symptoms: a racing heart, sweaty palms, or a tightening in the chest. In response to these uncomfortable feelings, we might try to avoid the situation or engage in other safety behaviors—things people do to lower their anxiety when there is a perceived threat. Examples of safety behaviors include checking and rechecking your presentation multiple times to make sure there are no mistakes, excessively seeking reassurance from others that you are in perfect health, or bringing a good luck charm with you wherever you go. While these actions might provide short-term relief from anxiety, initially easing our discomfort and making the situation seem more manageable, they reinforce the anxiety in the long run, keeping us stuck in a cycle that’s hard to escape. 

Thankfully, there’s hope. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offers effective strategies for breaking the cycle of anxiety. By focusing on the interplay between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, CBT helps individuals develop healthier ways to cope. Here are three key CBT techniques to manage anxiety:

  1. Behavioral Experiments

Behavioral experiments involve testing out new behaviors to see if your anxious predictions come true. Here’s how they work:

  1. Exposures

Exposure therapy is a cornerstone of CBT for anxiety. It involves gradually facing feared situations or objects in a controlled and systematic way. By doing so, you can reduce your fear response over time. For instance, if you have a fear of public speaking, you might start by speaking in front of a small, supportive group and gradually work your way up to larger audiences. The key is consistency and patience, as repeated exposure helps to desensitize the anxiety trigger and allows you to see that you were able to face your fears without running away from them. Exposures include the following elements:

  1. Cognitive Strategies

Cognitive strategies, such as cognitive reappraisal, help you identify, challenge, and change unhelpful thought patterns. When practicing this strategy, try the following:

Applying These Skills: A Practical Example

Let's take the example of someone who feels anxious about driving.

Combining these CBT techniques provides a comprehensive approach to managing anxiety. By regularly practicing these skills, individuals can disrupt the cycle of anxiety, reduce avoidance behaviors, and build confidence in their ability to handle anxiety-provoking situations.

Conclusion

Breaking free from the cycle of anxiety isn’t easy, but it’s possible with the right tools and strategies. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy offers a structured and effective approach to understanding and managing anxiety. By experimenting with new behaviors, facing your fears, and challenging unhelpful thoughts, you can take control of your anxiety rather than letting it control you. Remember, you don’t have to do it alone—seek support from a therapist or support group to guide you on your journey.

How to Achieve More Balanced Sleep

Many people struggle with sleep. Whether it’s falling asleep, staying asleep, or getting enough sleep it is extremely frustrating since it is partly out of your control. Good news- there actually is a lot in your control to improve your sleep.

 

  1. Stick to a bedtime and wake-up routine. While it’s understandable to want to stay up late and sleep in on weekends, try not to get too far off schedule. It’s a myth that we can “catch up” on sleep the next night. To get better sleep we need to have a better routine. It’s easy to get distracted by the activities we are doing and accidentally stay up later than we intended. To help with this, try setting an alarm on your phone 60 minutes before you want to sleep. This will be a cue to stop and start getting ready for bed as intended. Your bedtime routine can include a relaxing activity to help wind down for the night. This can be a mindfulness activity, reading, light stretching, taking a warm bath, or drawing. If you’re consistently going to sleep around the same time, it will be easier to wake up at the same time.

 

  1. If you wake up at a certain time in the middle of the night consistently, set an alarm for a few minutes beforehand and then see if there is a particular noise that is waking you up. I’ve been woken up to printers and robot vacuums turning on and then learned they were accidentally preprogrammed to turn on in the middle of the night! Once we know what it is we can problem-solve and reset those devices!

 

  1. If you wake up frequently in the middle of the night make sure you aren’t being productive- avoid work, laundry, meal preparations, etc. Although this may be tempting, it can accidentally train you to get up to tackle your to-do list!

 

  1. What to avoid right before bed: Heavy meals, drinking too many liquids, caffeine, nicotine, exercising, TV, or other screens. Note: Phones and smaller devices are even worse than TV because the screen is closer to your face. Also, it’s a myth that alcohol helps with sleep. While some people may report it helps them fall asleep, alcohol will decrease the quality of your sleep and prompt you to wake up earlier.

 

  1. More things to avoid:

 

  1. If you struggle to stop worrying and can’t fall asleep, it is recommended to leave your bed. Remember we are trying to only associate bed with sleep, not worrying. When you get up, assess if you’re hungry, and if so, have a light snack. Otherwise, try a relaxing activity, such as having a cup of decaffeinated tea, reading a book, listening to a podcast or music, or drawing. These are similar activities to help wind down before bed. Do the activity for about 30-60 minutes and then try falling asleep. Keep doing this until you can fall asleep.

 

  1. Lastly, avoid worrying about how bad the next day will be! We tend to think about how terrible the next day will be if we get poor sleep. We imagine doing horribly at our job or on a test or being so incapable of doing what we need to do. Unbalanced sleep increases our vulnerability ANDyou’ve survived every “next day.” We may not be performing at our best, we may need to be more compassionate with ourselves, and we will likely do just fine the next day.

 

Sleep difficulties can be very frustrating. I hope these tips help you get more restful sleep. For additional help, contact a mental health professional who specializes in insomnia.

 

Sources:

Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBTI). Stanford Health Care. (2017, September 12). https://stanfordhealthcare.org/medical-treatments/c/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-insomnia.html

Rathus, J. H., & Miller, A. L. (2015). DBT®skills manual for adolescents. Guilford Press.

 

There REALLY is No Place Like Home for the Holidays

Perry Como wasn’t wrong when he sang those iconic Stillman lyrics. “There’s no place like home for the holidays.” Really. And whether it’s your biological family, your chosen family or your new partner, home (for the holidays) carries a weighty pressure that perfectly encompasses Dialectical Behavioral Therapy’s (DBT) core dialectic of acceptance and change. 

(‘What the heck is a dialectic?’ you may ask. Head here for a deeper dive into this term.) 

As much as I love my family, and I really, truly do, there’s an unshakeable reversion to childhood patterns that the holiday season, and subsequent return home, can provoke in us all. (Adding another escalating ingredient to the mix is COVID-19.) I’ll spare my family the indignity of revealing too much about our interpersonal dynamics on the internet. However, I will say that we all come home for the holidays carrying our own baggage — both literally and figuratively. This can be baggage that’s been simmering for a few days, months, or years. Sometimes it’s baggage that’s entirely irrelevant to the individuals sitting around that open fire roasting chestnuts — I’ve literally never roasted chestnut, and I simply couldn’t begin to tell you how to do that. Other times, it’s baggage that has absolutely everything to do with a very particular scenario, involving a very specific individual, who’s watching that ball drop beside you on New Year’s Eve. 

And, it’s at this moment that DBT’s core dialectic comes into play. Accept? Change? Sometimes, we accept. For those who are considering this course of action, because yes, acceptance is a choice, I recommend reviewing some of DBT’s Distress Tolerance Skills. In other circumstances, perhaps when we’re looking to obtain a specific goal or objective, we pursue change. 

This holiday season, if you have a specific goal or objective, once you’ve clarified your priorities, consider DEAR MAN. This is one of my personal favorite skills in the entire DBT repertoire, as I have found it to be particularly effective for me. Surely, contacting your individual therapist, or diving more deeply into DBT Skills Training at BPS will support this process in greater depth, and, for now, with just a few days before heading ‘home,’ I’ve included a very quick primer on DEAR MAN. 

My sample situation? My sister repeatedly takes my clothing from my closet. My objective?  Get my sister to stop taking my clothing. 

 

D - Describe the Situation 

  • Ex: I’ve noticed that you have taken a few articles of clothing from my closet without asking me in advance. 

E - Express Clearly

  • Ex: I feel anxious when I can’t find a missing clothing item. I wonder where it has gone, and whether I’d brought it back home in the first place. 

A - Assert Wishes

  • Ex: I would like you to stop taking my clothing. 

R - Reinforce

  • Ex: My hope is that we can figure this out so that we can minimize our bickering during this trip. 

 

(Stay) M - Mindful

  • This is the part of the conversation where I would emulate a broken record, continuing to express my opinion in spite of any diversions or deviations from my sister. 

A - Appear Confident

  • While I might be nervous to make this ask, using a confident tone of voice and physicality will better support my efforts to obtain my objective. 

N - Negotiate

  • If my ask or refusal appears to be hitting a wall, I must be willing to give to get. For example, if I’m comfortable with this alternative, I might ask my sister to, at the very least, ask me before taking my clothing. 

As with every skill, practice, practice, practice! 

How to Live in Accordance With What Matters: A Crash Course on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

What the heck is ACT? If you find yourself thinking, “another type of behavioral therapy? Another acronym?!” I would get it. It’s true, as a therapist, I geek out on this stuff. But I wouldn’t write a blog post about it if I didn’t think it was really worth your time.  

So what is it? ACT is all about accepting what is out of your personal control and committing to action that enriches your life. What do you want to stand for in your life? What truly matters to you? Once you clarify your core values you can use them as guides to motivate and inspire behavioral change. 

How is this different from other types of therapy? We are often being sent messages about the need to control our emotional states. Think about the self-help section in a bookstore: You see titles like “How to Feel Less Stress” or “5 Ways To Find Happiness.” At some point, all of us probably received feedback about getting over an unpleasant emotional state. It’s what I like to call the wipe off your knees and keep going mentality. When we buy into this, we tell ourselves we’re not doing a good enough job– if we feel too much stress, anxiety, fear, shame, guilt, and not enough happiness or joy. When we internalize these messages we try to control our thoughts and feelings. In ACT, we believe that thoughts and feelings themselves are not pathological. We don’t need to chase them down and change them. Rather, the focus is on relating to them in a different way by accepting their presence, fully and without defense, and choosing what you will or won’t do based on your personal values. It sounds nice, but how do we actually put that into practice? In ACT, there are six core processes that can help guide you: defusion, self-as-context, presence, acceptance, values, and committed action. Each of these processes comes with a number of different skills. For this blog post, I will explain each step and scatter into some exercises.  

Defusion:

We get caught up in our thoughts; we take them as capital “T” truth and often see the world through the lens of a painful thought we have about ourselves, others, or the world. Defusion is about stepping back and detaching from inner thoughts or images. Instead of getting caught up in our thoughts, we let them come and go. We see thoughts for what they are– nothing more or less than words or pictures. We hold them lightly instead of clutching to them tightly. 

Exercise: Take a painful thought such as, “I’m unlovable” and get a bit of space from it by inserting one of the clauses below:

The Observing Self (also known as Self-as-context):

There are two elements of the mind: The thinking self and the observing self. The thinking self is the part of us that is always thinking– generating judgments, fantasies, beliefs, and so on. The observing self is less talked about in our culture. This is the part of us that is aware of whatever we’re thinking, feeling, sensing, or doing in any moment. Throughout life your body, thoughts, roles, and feelings all change but the “you” that’s able to notice or observe all those things never changes. 

Contact the present moment

Our judgmental, problem-solving minds constantly pull our attention away from the present. Why? We want to avoid suffering and we yearn for orientation– to know where we are in our life journey. But instead of orienting ourselves, we end up ruminating about what’s happened in the past or worry about what will happen in the future. Both of these “thinking self” processes are associated with depression and anxiety. Contacting the present moment is about mindfulness, defined as “paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally” (Jon Kabat-Zinn). 

Exercise: Try this simple 6-minute meditation

Acceptance: 

When we try to avoid uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, we demonize natural human experiences. Our efforts, energy, and attention are spent trying to control unwanted inner experiences and we feel even worse when they show up. Avoidance is not workable as a long-term solution. As we say in ACT:

If you don’t want it, you’ve already got it.

If you aren’t willing to be anxious, you will feel even more anxious.

If you aren’t willing to feel pain, you will feel even more pain.

If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.

The goal of acceptance is a willingness to make room for uncomfortable feelings, sensations, urges, and emotions. Instead of struggling against them, we open up to them and let them be. This does not mean you have to like it or want it (anxiety IS uncomfortable), but it’s about allowing yourself to have it. In fact, the wisdom of pain is that it tells us what matters most. For example, I might feel pain if a friend is upset with me or I might feel anxiety after a social interaction. What those uncomfortable emotions tell me is that I don’t want to hurt my friends or that I care about how I’m perceived in social situations because connection matters to me. Values and vulnerabilities are two sides of the same coin; the more we pursue our values the more vulnerable we will feel.   

Exercise:  Say “Yes”

Consider a painful thought or memory that you often struggle with or avoid altogether. Put a 1-minute timer on. Close your eyes and adopt a “no” stance towards that thought or memory as in: “No, that’s not good. That needs to change; that is unacceptable.” Allow yourself to struggle against it as you normally do. When the timer goes off, note any observations of what that experience was like: What emotion did you feel? How did you hold your body (tense, relaxed)? What happened in your mind (did your thoughts speed up? Slow down?) Next, put the timer on again for 1 minute. This time, take that same thought or memory but instead adopt a “yes” stance towards it as in: “yes, I am willing to allow that to be there, just as it is. I do not need to change it.” Afterward, observe or describe how these experiences were different. 

Values 

In ACT, we define values as qualities of being. For example: Being a loving, caring, attentive, curious, and supportive partner. 

Values are not goals. Goals can be met, checked off a list, or completed.  Values are what we live by and we continuously commit and recommit to them. I can meet my goal of getting married but I’m never done being a loving partner. Love is ongoing. It matters before and after you get a partner. 

The more in touch we are with what truly matters, the easier it is to take a step in the right direction. 

Exercise: Attend your own funeral

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to calm your mind. Picture witnessing your own funeral. Think about where it would be and visualize a clear picture of your funeral service in your mind. Imagine that a loved one is saying a few words about what you stood for in your life; about what you cared about. Write out what you would want to hear in your eulogy about how you lived your life. Notice if certain thoughts or judgments come up. Defuse from them. This is not a prediction of your life but rather a reflection on the meaning you would most like to create; the purpose you would most like to reveal about the time you spent on this planet. 

Committed Action

Take effective action towards upholding your values. Value-guided action gives rise to a wide range of thoughts and feelings– both pleasurable and painful. Committed action means doing what it takes even if it brings on pain and discomfort. Maybe I’m terrified to open up fully in a relationship; to be vulnerable. I could choose to avoid that feeling by saying no to dates, being hypercritical of someone I meet, or closing myself off from someone emotionally, but that won’t help me get to where I want to go (having a close, connected, intimate relationship). Instead, what do I do? Committed action often encompasses all other act processes: Download the dating app (action), defuse from self-critical thoughts, accept the anxiety you feel, observe fear and shift towards curiosity and openness (values), show up fully present, with the intention of getting to know someone. 

Putting it all together:

One quick way to put it all together yourself. If you find that you’re in a situation and struggling with your inner world, ask yourself these questions: 

  1. What is the story I am telling myself in this moment? (e.g. the story of no one likes me) 
  2. How do I react when I buy into that story? (e.g. get quiet, retreat, internally criticize everything I do)
  3. Who or what is important to me right now? (e.g. getting to know someone, connecting, being present)
  4. What are some actionable steps towards that? (e.g. find someone approachable, sit and ask them questions, listen intently) 

Now you try!