By Elisa Pompeo
In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), one of the most powerful and practical skills we love to teach is Walking the middle path. This means finding balance in extremes, stepping away from “all or nothing” thinking, and giving ourselves permission to choose flexibility over rigidity.
For example, some people believe that the only way to succeed is to give 100% effort all day every day. Unsurprisingly, this can lead to exhaustion, self-criticism and often is not sustainable. Learning to walk the middle path can look like allowing ourselves to do slightly less than we originally planned, and realizing that this can actually help to feel more grounded, resilient, and satisfied.
How to Use the Middle Path Skill (an abbreviated version):
For me, this can look like folding and putting away all of my clean laundry even if it could be folded even neater or organized more efficiently. Other times, it means cleaning two dirty dishes in the sink instead of all of them, or none of them. Sometimes it looks like giving myself permission to rest when I have not finished my whole to-do list instead of pushing myself to finish it all. Even cooking part of a meal from scratch, and buying premade food for the rest, can be a way of practicing this skill. I like to call this the “Trader Joes frozen section” cooking - it’s not homemade, it’s not take-out, it’s a middle path.
Practicing this skill might feel scary at first, because it can feel nerve-wracking to be flexible with our intentions…we may fear that we are completely “giving up on goals” as one of my clients once shared. It may also be uncomfortable to rest without feeling immense guilt. Practice makes progress with this skill…and after some time, you might notice how much it helps you too! Walking the middle path prevents burnout and helps you make decisions that honor both your present and future self. When you step back from rigid perfectionism, you give yourself permission to be imperfect and still be valuable.
There are important dialectics across different age ranges you may begin to notice. For kids and teens, walking the middle path can mean balancing the desire for independence with the reliance on guidance from caregivers. For adults, you might notice balancing the dialectic of resting and also working and holding up responsibilities. For families, we may see caregivers balancing validating their children and also setting limits with them.
Whether it’s at home, at school, at work, or in relationships, walking the middle path creates more flexibility, reduces burnout, and helps us live with more compassion—for ourselves and for others.
