By Lucy Rooney.
On the heels of Pride Month, I wondered, how can our DBT skills help us adopt this spirit all of the months of the year?
Pride Month is a time to honor the resilience and joy of the LGBTQIA+ community. How can we do this? …By being unapologetically ourselves. That’s right—let your freak flag fly!
Think Accumulating positives in the short-term—With all of the stress and hustle and bustle in our lives and with all of the invalidation that this community experiences, it is as important to schedule time to go for that walk, eat that donut, paint our nails that funky summer color, play fetch with our dog, smooch our loved ones, or burrito ourselves in bed, as it is to do the laundry, go to work, and pick up after ourselves. Do things that YOU find joyous in the moment… not what you believe “should be joyous” or what seemingly brings others joy on Instagram… but what truly brings YOU joy. For me, that joy sometimes looks like rearranging my undies drawer. Bonus points: Practice Radical acceptance that what brings others joy may differ from what brings you joy, and adopt a Non-judgmental stance! Extra bonus points…if you do find yourself judging (cause we all do) stop judging yourself for that😉
How about some Alternate Rebellion following Pride? Been wanting to go against the grain and make a statement? Go for it! Dye your hair, cut it all off, get that piercing Mom won’t let you get, order ice cream at the restaurant for your appetizer, wear exactly what you want to wear. Show off your body loud and proud no matter what shape or size you are #HAES. If tomorrow you want to dress as a Cowboy and the next day you decide your mood is begging you to rock #cottagecore, honor it. We are not ONE thing. In fact, Dialectics tell us that multiple truths can exist at once. I can be shy one day and outgoing the next. It can be sunny and rain in one day. I can dress more feminine in one moment and decide to dress more androgynous the next. I am neither AND I am all.
And how about when the environment feels too strong and the pain from invalidation feels too great to carry? Distress tolerance can provide coping strategies for managing painful moments. These skills can be helpful when facing invalidating interpersonal interactions, as well as broader systemic discrimination. Think TIPP the temperature, Distract with music, tv, comedy, or a brain teaser. When the intensity of the pain comes down slightly, we may try sitting with the emotion (Mindfulness of Current Emotions) and feeling the grief, anger, and fear arise within us. Recovering from Invalidation can be a helpful tool as it can teach us how to self-validate and where to find validation from supportive parties which can ease the intensity of our emotions. Think: Don’t go to the hardware store looking to buy milk. Some people just will not have the validation you are looking for!
Lastly, use Opposite action for shame (when safe to do so). For many, hiding who you are and who you love elicits shame and when the community you are apart of will ostracize you because of who you are, then that shame fits the facts and you are responding to that shame as a means of survival. In a perfect world, we hope to find community and create community that will not reject us so that we can act opposite our shame and live in a way that is true and open and PROUD. Let’s live in PRIDE 365 days a year!
