Values-Aligned Goals Heading Into Summer

Summer can feel simultaneously energizing and destabilizing as schedules change and calendars fill up. With vacations, weddings, beach days, and spontaneous plans, it can feel overwhelming to balance the ongoing responsibilities of life with a desire to squeeze out all that summer has to offer.

With all of the movement and fun, it can be easy to drift away from ourselves and our goals. You might notice yourself feeling less grounded, less intentional, or less connected to goals and habits that mattered to you a few months ago. Maybe some of your routines fall off, you start saying yes to everything, or your nervous system feels overstimulated. Maybe you lose sight of what actually feels meaningful versus what simply feels urgent, exciting, or socially expected. This is where DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) concepts can be incredibly helpful- not to make summer rigid or overly disciplined, but to help you navigate it with centeredness.

When people think about DBT, they often think about coping skills or emotion regulation strategies. But at its core, DBT is really about helping people build a life that feels meaningful and worth living, and values are central to that. In DBT, values help guide behavior, especially during moments when emotions are intense, motivation is low, or urges are pulling us in a different direction. They help us orient toward the kind of person we want to be and the kind of life we want to create, rather than just what feels good in the moment. This becomes especially important in summer, when life can feel less structured and more emotionally driven.

Without keeping values in mind, it’s easy to get swept up in things like comparison, social pressure, avoidance, impulsivity, overcommitting, or people pleasing.

Wise Mind and values help us pause and ask ourselves: “What actually matters to me here?” and “What aligns with the life I want to build?”, rather than questions like “What will make everyone else happy?” or “What should I be doing?”

DBT often emphasizes that effective behavior is behavior that works for your long-term goals and values, not just your short-term emotional urges.

In ACT therapy, values are ongoing directions rather than destinations. DBT overlaps with this idea in many ways. Values become a compass that can guide decision-making, interpersonal choices, emotional regulation, and behavior.

For example, working out may not actually be the value- it might be vitality, self-respect, consistency, or caring for your body. Going out may not be the value- it might be more connection or openness. Values help us understand why certain goals matter to us in the first place.

It is also important to keep in mind that values do not need to be perfectly clear or fixed forever! In fact, it makes sense that they would change as you continue to grow and change yourself.

Many people feel pressure to identify the “correct” values, or the values they think they should have based on societal standards and norms. Often, values emerge through experience rather than through overthinking. Part of this work is experimentation and curiosity, and leaning into DBT’s nonjudgmental stance. Here are some questions to ask yourself when considering your values:

These questions may help you create more intentionality and curiosity.

In DBT, Wise Mind is the integration of emotion mind and reasonable mind. It’s the grounded, centered part of ourselves that can hold emotion and logic at the same time.

Summer tends to pull many people toward emotion mind. It might sound like “everyone is going so I should go too”, or “I should say yes”, or “I need to make the most of the summer”. None of this is inherently bad- fun and flexibility are valuable too! Where Wise Mind can help is in differentiating if these actions align with values and long term goals. It’s important to note that Wise Mind is not about becoming rigid or hyper-controlled- it’s about staying connected to yourself.

If you have a long term goal of increased flexibility and joy in your life, Wise Mind may tell you to stay out late and enjoy yourself! If your goal is more rest and to slow down, Wise Mind may tell you to stay home and spend time relaxing.

One of the most DBT-aligned things you can do this summer is practice pausing before automatically reacting to urges, pressure, or emotions.

ACT emphasizes committed action, and DBT supports this through opposite action, building mastery, and acting effectively.

Committed action means taking steps aligned with your values even when your motivation fluctuates, or it feels uncomfortable. Similarly, DBT emphasizes acting effectively and in line with your values and goals, even when it feels challenging. These steps are about repetition, not perfection. It might just mean pausing and accessing Wise Mind before making a decision, maintaining one grounding habit during busy weeks, saying “yes” to more activities, or saying “no” when your body is asking for rest.

Likely, these actions will look different for everyone, because values are so personal. These skills help us get ahead and actually enact change- many of us wait to feel fully motivated or fully confident before acting. However, clarity often develops through action, trial and error, and noticing what actually feels effective.

DBT reminds us that building a life worth living happens through repeated small choices over time.